


RickFalls Ford

by SerenaDusk



Series: RickFalls Shorts [4]
Category: Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty
Genre: Based on Deatharising, Citadel of Ricks, Ford Pines' Portal Adventures, Ford being a wanted criminal, Ford being confused af, Gen, Hurt Rick, Rick Being an Asshole, Rick is drunk, Rick murders a bunch of people, as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2020-10-11
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:15:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26956417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerenaDusk/pseuds/SerenaDusk
Summary: Ford is trapped in space and find someone way too familiar with his brother. Oh well, he can use the help, but Rick Sanchez really isn't the kind of help anyone would want. And besides, with that man, people just end up worse.
Series: RickFalls Shorts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1716340
Kudos: 3





	RickFalls Ford

**What happens in space, stays in space.**

Why the fuck did the one guy who still made alcohol the right way have to live so close to that one place? The one place on that entire fucking planet where he didn’t want to be. Rick wasn’t one to hold on to anything, except this one thing. Maybe because it was still so fresh, only a few months ago. But he was Rick Fucking Sanchez and emotions were pointless, so he didn’t have them. And when he did, he drowned them. In alcohol, which he got from that one guy who lived so close to the one place where he didn’t want to be. Fuck. He really did play himself with that one. Perhaps he should move to other sources of alcohol for a while. It sucked, because the guy really knew how to brew, and he would be missing that taste, but emotions were idiotic, and he’d rather fucking not trigger those again. Luckily, he had stocked up quite a lot this time, and it might last him a while. Unless he got something as stupid as emotions again, but he was going to leave the fucking planet anyway, so there wouldn’t be much risk of that. Fucking planet, fucking earth with fucking humans. If it wasn’t for the fact, he had his contacts, he might have blown up the place a long time ago. It was littered with bullshit, anyway, bullshit he could live without. Rick Sanchez really wasn’t in the best mood these days. But that wasn’t his fault at all. If Stan Pines hadn’t been as much of an idiot as the rest of the planet, he wouldn’t feel like committing mass murder right now.

Fuck it, time to get the hell off this planet. Rick stretched, filled his flask, and grabbed his portal gun. Not that he had a particular place to be at the moment, but everything would be better than here. Perhaps if he would get on his ship, he’d remember something he could do, or reach some fucking bar where he’d find something more alive than fucking Pines. Where did he last leave his ship again? Right, sand dunes, somewhere off planet. Humans always acted so fucking stupid whenever he tried to park his ship somewhere in the atmosphere that he usually put in an entirely different dimension. The increased use of his portal gun made up for the fact he didn’t have to shoot up half the US government every time he needed something. Still, he would have preferred to just get in, instead of having to fucking walk, getting sand everywhere. Bloody annoying to try to get sand out of his pockets. Once that stuff got into something, it really never fucking left. Like glitter, but at least sand could be turned into glass. Glitter was just pretty poison. Either way, the self-proclaimed genius activated a portal and stepped through, simultaneously taking a long sip from his flask. If he had to deal with sand, better make sure he was in the right mood for it. Even if he really fucking wasn’t right now. He just needed a distraction, and if his ship got him to one, so be it.

As it turned out, he didn’t have to wait that long before a distraction came to him. As soon as he had stepped through the portal, he found himself no longer alone. Who the fuck would be here, in the middle of fucking nowhere, on a deserted moon? Heh, deserted in more than ways. Fucking sand. But wait, this made no sense, he knew that jawline, and that face. The exact face he’d been trying to avoid thinking about for a few months now. Was this some sort of cruel fucking joke? He didn’t believe in karma, not at all, but fuck this sure looked like karma. Rick leaned over the man, who was sitting on hands and knees in the sand. When he took a look at the face, a wicked grin appeared. Close, but not exactly. Two options: some idiot tried to imitate the man, or this was a family member. Might as well try to find out, right. He first took off the glasses he’d been wearing against the dust and sand. “You look like a fucking mess. Need a hand?” He then asked, and the man in front of him looked him over for a second. Rick offered his hand, and the man in the trench coat hesitated for only a second, grabbing him by the wrist. Weird, normal people just took the hand. Either way, Rick pulled him to his feet. “So, who the fuck are you? And no lies, or I might send your stomach to another dimension.” He asked with a dry voice. The other gave him a weird look. “Ford Pines.” He answered, and Rick almost choked on the sip he just took. “Fucking who now?” He coughed, and the man sighed. “Stanford Filbrick Pines, Dimension 46 apparently.” He repeated himself and watched the man in the unibrow look him over. “Fuck this shit, really?” Rick muttered to himself, trying to supress the urge to shout a few insults at the man, or the sand, or the sky. He didn’t care. All he knew that he really couldn’t fucking escape that goddamn family. What the fuck Was this really going to fucking haunt him for the rest of his fucking life? Just because of one fucking mistake? Bullshit. Absolute, unacceptable, fucking bullshit.

Ford looked the man over. “You know, you offered to help me up, I didn’t ask.” A dry undertone in his voice. While this was better than being shot at, the behaviour of the man was concerning at the very least. “Shut your fucking mouth, Pines. I don’t need anyone condescending me. Especially not a man in a fucking trench coat, stranded on a fucking deserted moon. How did you get here anyway?” Rick answered before deciding to just finish the alcohol in his flask. “Wormhole. But I told you who I was, who are you?” Ford answered, now more confused than exasperated. “Rick Sanchez. Dimension whatever. Do you have a brother?” The unibrow man hardly seemed to listen to him. “Yes, I have a brother, why do you ask?” Ford took a step back, but the answer seemed to put the alcoholic at ease. “Good. Let’s get the fuck out of here before you get dehydrated. My ship is across that hill.” Rick gestured. While the six-fingered dimension traveller wasn’t quite sure what to think of all this, he followed Rick. “What do you want with my brother?” He asked carefully, and the other laughed. “What I used to want from him you mean. Right now, nothing anymore. I used to want a lot from him. But that is not your fucking business.” He explained, and Ford decided it really wasn’t his business and went quiet about it. “Are you from Earth?” He then asked, just to make sure. “Yeah, but sometimes I really wish I fucking wasn’t. Humanity is poison.” The unibrow man spit in the sand before reaching the top of the dune. In a valley between several large dunes, slightly protected against the winds, was indeed Rick’s ship. “Let’s get somewhere better than here.”

Ford agreed. For some reason he didn’t expect much bad from Rick Sanchez. While the man clearly had some issues, he didn’t necessarily seem homicidal. And he didn’t really have any other way off this moon, so he really didn’t have much of a choice. Luckily, inside the ship was more than enough room for both of them to travel without getting in eachother’s face. Rick would actually fly it; Ford could amuse himself by staring off into space. Despite travelling through wormholes for a bit now, actual space was a rare sight. He enjoyed the vast emptiness of it, and remembered stargazing as a child, and the strange constellations of Gravity Falls. Part of him wondered if he would ever see them again. He caught himself hoping he one day would, despite knowing the chances for that were astronomical. “So, Pines, how did you manage to leave the hellhole called Earth? Don’t see a portal gun on you.” Rick asked after they had been on the way to god knows where for a while. “A portal. But a stationary one. Built it myself, something happened, now I’m trapped in space.” The polydactyl didn’t feel like explaining more about the actual circumstances of his banishment from his home dimension. He didn’t want to speak of Fiddleford or Stan. He just wanted to look ahead, figure out what he was going to do now.

It appeared he wouldn’t get the time for that though, because a screen on the control board of the ship lit up, showing another ship not far away. “Fuck! What the fuck do the fucking cops want from me this time?” Rick let out a few more curses, and was about to flip a few switches to get the fuck out of there when a message came in. “You are harbouring a fugitive?” What the fuck, Pines? Are all of you wanted criminals or something? Fuck, I thought your brother was the black sheep of the family, but you managed to get yourself in trouble in fucking space? Just great. Want me to shoot them up, or just get the fuck out of here?” Rick wasn’t playing around. Not today. Often, he would take the opportunity to just outsmart them on their own field, like breaking out of prison, but he didn’t want to do that with a Pines around. He’d done that once before and wasn’t really planning on doing it again. “In my defence, I only stole what I absolutely needed and only because I had no way to pay for them.” Ford answered, trying to justify himself. To his surprise, Rick just chuckled. “So, your brother _is_ the black sheep of the family. Good to know. But for now, what do you feel like? Murder? Because that can be arranged.” He wiggled his single eyebrow, but the polydactyl shook his head. “I don’t want to kill anyone.” He muttered, which technically wasn’t true. He wanted to kill someone, but not random people. “Suit yourself. At least your brother was some fun.” Rick sounded disappointed but did ready the ship for an escape.

Yet the cops were faster, and a metal hook clamped to the side. “Seems like you got little choice now, Pines. Let’s see how much guts you truly have, and let’s dance with some fuckers.” He got up when the first fizzing noises of a tool burning through the hole of his ship sounded. Ford muttered a curse under his breath, but when Rick pointed at the blaster next to his seat, he didn’t hesitate. He couldn’t risk space jail, not now. He had something to do. “What did you even steal that they are this fucking eager to put you away?” Rick yelled over the sound of blasters firing at eachother. “Parts for a Quantum destabilizer that I am putting together to get rid of a demon.” Ford shouted back, shooting blasters out of the approaching aliens’ hands, rather than actually killing them. It proved to be a mistake; the aliens were a lot more resilient than humans, and they got closer at a very high speed. “Fuck you, Pines. Shoot to kill, stop being polite.” Rick was already doing just that; he had no issue adding to the pile of bodies he already had on his name anyway. Ford cursed under his breath but did as he was told. They could be in a lot of trouble, because the polydactyl had hesitated for too long. He felt something graze his shoulder, and when he looked up, a small creature with razor sharp claws had attached itself to his arm. “Shit! Get off me!” He exclaimed, and Rick looked up. “Stand still.” He commanded, and Ford obeyed out of instinct. His unibrow companion shot the thing to bits, but only after the polydactyl had sustained deep cuts over his shoulder. “Fuck.” Rick backed away, pulling Ford with him. “I don’t like this, but we have to get the fuck out of here.” He grabbed a thing from a pile. It looked like a crystal ball. “What is that?” Ford asked, right as Rick threw it at the enemy.

Before he got an answer, the thing exploded into tiny pieces. Rick grabbed Ford by the collar of his coat and pulled him to the floor. The polydactyl yelped as shrapnel rained on him, cutting his cheeks open and grazing his chest. None of it was life threatening, but it hurt enough already. When he looked at Rick, he saw that the other was a lot less damaged. Probably better suited clothes for this kind of shit. He did have a few minor cuts across his face, but despite that, he was suddenly in a much better mood. “Pines, I got to give it to you, you know how to create drama effortlessly. But maybe I should be surprised about that. Your brother had a knack for it too. But we got to get the fuck out of here now before we get the attention from someone a lot less stupid than this useless fucking bunch of crap.” He kicked a few of the dead bodies from his ship and vaporized the rest with another blaster he had hanging somewhere. “Why do you have so many weapons lying around?” Ford asked, slightly unsure about what to think of all this. Rick shrugged. “For reasons like these. You think it’s the first time I had to get rid of the cops? Happens on a weekly basis. But this fucking hole won’t let us jump dimensions without blowing our brains out. So now we have to go back to that fucking sandbox moon and fix this.” He got annoyed again, but Ford didn’t really listen to that. He just held on for dear life when Rick didn’t really wait for him to take his seat, but just got out of there immediately.

It didn’t even take long for them to land back on the sand dunes, but with his injuries, and the fact he wasn’t actually seated, it seemed like an eternity to Ford. Rick hopped out of the ship as soon as it was turned off and walked over to the giant hole in the side. “Fucking cops. Even on Earth they at least knock of the fucking window before starting to damage your shit.” He cursed and started searching for scrap material. It wasn’t a very difficult thing to fix, but he would have preferred to avoid damage to his vessels. He had better things to do with his time, and now he had to spend more time in this goddamn heap of sand too. Stupid pre-phase of fucking glass. At least get hit by fucking lightning to make something interesting. But no, it was just there, covering everything, getting in his clothes, his scarf, scratching the vizor on his glasses, and just getting in his fucking ship. Fucking bullshit. But oh well, he had fun with shooting up the space police. They had another name, but he liked to call them space police, just because it sounded exactly as stupid as they were.

Sadly, he didn’t get the chance to fix the hole in his ship. His radar went off again. “Pines, what the fuck is that now?” He asked, not wanting to get in and check himself. Ford took a look at the thing. “It only says Citadel.” He answered with a frown. Rick looked up. “Fuck. How close?” He asked, suddenly a lot less unbothered than he had done so far. “Not at all. They’re already here.” Ford had no idea what all of this mean, but then he indeed saw another ship. Rick looked at it and spat out a series of curses that would make Satan himself cover his ears. Then the unibrow man turned to Ford. “Run.” Was all he said, and the polydactyl didn’t hesitate. If this ‘Citadel’ could make someone who just murdered half a police corpse nervous, he wasn’t going to question it. He turned and ran, not caring where he went, and he heard that Rick followed him immediately. “What is the Citadel?” He asked while they ran, but the unibrow man didn’t answer immediately. Only after they got over one of the dunes and down on the other side did he take Ford’s arm. “We can’t fucking outrun them. Bet I would have run into those fucking cops without you there too. Assholes always blame me for their shit.” He muttered, then looked up. “Well, you got me out of my hole, so thanks for that, but you got to get the fuck away from me now.” In the distance, he could already see someone approach.

Ford frowned. “What’s going on?” Rick had his eyes fixed on someone behind Ford. “The Citadel has been trying to off me for years. Never succeeded, but they never got me in a corner like this.” He spat, but his anger wasn’t addressed at the polydactyl. Ford turned, and then saw what his companion meant. Another Rick but dressed completely different. A uniform with a lab coat as a part of it was highly uncommon. “What the actual fuck?” Ford muttered to himself, but then the uniform Rick pointed a blaster at them, and his eyes widened. “Oh shit.” Before he knew what happened, the Rick he came there with elbowed him aside, only to take a shot to the arm. “Fuck!” Only one solution. The Rick dressed in black took his portal gun and opened one. Ford reached out to take a look at the wound on Rick’s arm but stopped and stared at the portal. His wounded companion grabbed him by the collar of his coat and pulled him to the portal. “Go!” He yelled as the winds around them increased. Ford hesitated, he didn’t want to leave Rick behind like that, but the black dressed man didn’t give him a chance. Before he could even open his mouth to protest, a heave boot found his behind and kicked him forward, right into the green glowing vortex.


End file.
